this is an exceptionally honest entry written by someone in recovery undergoing what she rightfully calls a "faith crisis." I hope that you will be compelled to respond to her, even as an alternative to the question posed earlier. take care.

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I just don't understand it anymore. You're supposed to deserve this, you're supposed to be allowed these feelings. You're supposed to be strong and be able to ask for your needs to be met. You're supposed to ask for something better always, if you feel like you need it. If you need it, THEN YOU DESERVE IT.

Then why are those needs so unfair for everyone else? Why aren't they being kind and understanding when you ask for thise desires to be fulfilled? Why do you have to keep denying everything if you supposedly derseve it? Maybe you DO deserve it, it's just that no one else knows or thinks you do. So you're doomed to a lifetime of pleasing them until someone, if the miracle comes, finds out what your own needs are and knows deeply that you deserve them. (Really?? You do??) The problem is, I've personally lost faith in this; I don't believe it will ever happen, because, for some reason, our needs seem to go beyond everyone else's capacity to understand.

Now comes the pain from never being validated. Maybe you do feel that pain; so what if the pain from never being validated is not real? What if your needs reach such a high level of demands that the moment they're not met (which will understandably happen if they're in fact at such a high level) you experience a great amount of pain that isn't supposed to be there? Then do you have the right to feel it, this pain? Do the people around you deserve your demands?

http://chilindrina.diaryland.com

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